Where do I even start? All I feel like I do is complain lately. Maybe it's just venting? I don't know. But, I try so hard not to complain. I guess I'll start from the begining.
Last summer we found out that we needed to pay for the rest of Skyler's schooling. He had a little less than a year left and we definitely weren't going to put things on hold. We thought about getting another loan, but that just didn't feel right. After going through our options, the only thing that felt right was to move in with Skyler's parents. It was a feeling I'll never forget though. I was sitting in the kitchen going through the kids art work/homework. I remember getting a text from Skyler saying that we needed to pay for his schooling. I sat there on the floor, looked up to the heavens and said, "We're really going to have to move, aren't we?" And then the most reassuring feeling came over me. I was feeling two different feelings at once. I certainly didn't want to live with family. But I knew that that was the best thing to do. There was no denying what the holy ghost was whispering to my heart. So, we packed up, moved into Skyler's parents house, and we were out of our house by the end of October. I was not ready for this. I had my presumptions about how it was going to be. I've lived with family before we had kids and didn't like it much. It was hard. Not because of them, just because of the situation. I was nervous for my kids, nervous for mine and Skyler's relationship, nervous for our family that we would be living with, nervous that we wouldnt get the space that we need... both families. So many things I was worried about.
Fast forward to now... looking back on when we first moved in 8 months ago, I thought things were going to be so much different than they have been. The little things that I worried about, I should have just let go. With out going into much detail, things (both spiritual and frustrating) I never imagined possible has happened. So many blessings have come from us moving into this big house. Here's only a few but ones I have found most important.
...I'm counting my blessings, one by one...
1. Mine and Skyler's relationship has been strained and tested many times in the last 8 months. Our relationship has gotten so much stronger as well. We are definitely closer to eachother than ever before.
2. My kids have definitely felt the strain of not having our own place. It been a challenge for my oldest especially. I've noticed that it has made him be more responsible and he has gained more of an understanding about how to deal with different kinds of people. Even though he still has his moments of frustrations but he has definitely grown.
3.My anxiety has been tested so many times...terribly. I have had it bad at times (high blood pressure, dizzy, can't think, totally out of it). It was bad at first when we first moved in. Not because of my mother and father inlaw, but because of the situation in whole. Over these short 8 months, my body has released my anxiety in a few different ways, but over time, I have learned to let a lot go. It hasn't been easy either. But something that I am so thankful for.
4. Happy Bug. Need I say more? This little ball of sunshine has been a constant source of happiness in this home. Doesn't matter what's going on around him, he's always got a smile on his face and if you've been around him, you know that light that he carries with him, you know how that feels. He has taught me so much about how to be happy. Every time I hug this little guy of mine, my heart melts. He gives hugs like no other baby I've ever seen before.
5. I didn't realize before, but we never use to make time for just our family. We were always going, goung, going. And then when we did get some time, Skyler and I would go to the Temple, or just out on a date and those didn't happen very often. Even though we've not really gone "out", we have learned that making time for just our family in a whole was very important. It brings us closer together and let's us enjoy eachother.
In each hardship, blessing are bound to be. We may not see them right away, heavenly father may not alow them to happen when we think they need to, but blessings do come in each trial that we face. I remember when Kynzie passed away, I thought how unfair it was for her to leave us. How unfair it was for us not being able to say goodbye. So many things I thought were unfair. But almost instantly after her passing, I felt the Lord's love fall upon me. I felt hurt and loved at the same time. He let me know that it was all for a good cause. That it was her time, that she had important work to do on the other side. At the time I felt all of this, I never really allowed it to be a blessing. I was sad and mad, and I knew I was loved, all at the same time. After going through the motions of the loss. I started to realized how much of a blessing those feelings were and still are. From one trial has come many, many, so many blessings. And not just to me and my family, but others as well. I believe life is all about learning and growing and life definitely been that for me. I hope that through the midst of the hardships we face as a family, that each one of us are able to see the blessing that follow.
