Faith

3 weeks ago, Skyler and I were asked to give a talk in sacrament. Writing our talks didn't go as planned though. This was my talk...and about half way in between, I about fell to the ground (totally not what I had expected AT ALL). I had to actually tell the croud to hold on and lay my head on the pulpit. Never has that happened to me before. But, something quite amazing happened when I finally got my footing again and carried on to the next part of my talk. I felt quite an amazing spirit in the chappel at that moment. One that I haven't felt in quite some time. I'd wager to say angels were attending that day. One very inparticular spirit that I haven't felt in so long. I think the congregation in a whole felt what I felt that morning, because not one single voice was spoken for the last part of sacrament. Even throuh out Skylers talk (he was after me) everyone stayed pretty silent. But for those of you who didn't get to hear me almost pass out, here's the same talk that was given. Hope you enjoy! :)

Faith

 It’s been so long since I’ve last given a talk. I actually think the last talk I gave was about a year, maybe a year and a half ago. Okay, so maybe that’s not too long, but it sure feels like it’s been longer than that.

 Last Sunday, while Skyler and I were in primary teaching, Brother Jensen took Skyler out into the hallway outside our classroom door and I started thinking, ‘I wonder if he is going to set up a meeting with Skyler. What if he got another calling? I wonder what he would get?’ Well, Skyler walked back in with a huge grin on his face, and I thought, ‘Yep, they’re taking him out of primary. I knew it.” But then Skyler showed me the speaking assignment papers and I was like, ‘OHHH, haha…. Oh, wait… we were asked to talk…’ and then I started getting a little nervous because of how full my plate already is. I work full time as a deli manager, I’m a mom to 4 kids, I have piles and piles of laundry in the laundry room that are at least clean and in baskets, But my kids’ dresser drawers are almost empty. Skyler is assisting 2 baseball teams this year with his brother and our good friend so we have 3 practices a week (thankfully 2 of them are on the same day)… I just kept thinking of things that needed to be done. And then that night, Sunday night, the power went out. That caused more worries because I not only needed to start on my talk, the power going out meant that work was going to be more busy for both Skyler and I. Getting things into a trailer cooler, checking temps on everything, throwing things out if the temp rose too high. It kept all of us at the store on our toes, and very busy mentally and physically, which in turn, for me, took time away from writing my talk, or even thinking about it at all. Then Kyell, whos almost 2, thought that keeping both Skyler and I up would be fun just because he wanted to play on into the night and then got sick another night. Neither of those helped out with getting this talk prepaired. But, Wednesday night rolled around, kids went to sleep earlier than normal and I was like, ‘okay, I know I’m tired but I really need to get a head start on my talk or I’m going to be writing this talk Saturday night and I will be so stressed out, and I do not want to be stressed out over something that is supposed to allow the spirit to dwell.’ So, on Wednesday and Thursday, I got most of my talk done. And then I wrapped it up Saturday night.

I’m glad that I didn’t wait till the last minute in putting this talk together. I usually get so nervous when I’m up here. That’s why I hesitate so much when we have fast Sundays, because I get up in front of everyone and my mind goes blank. I can feel my testimony, and I wish that I could have everyone feel what my testimony feels like rather than hearing my mumbling words. But I have my talk written down and so if my mind goes blank, I have this right here to guide me back to where I got lost. I hope that we can feel the spirit that I felt while writing this talk, because it was a pretty amazing feeling.

Faith… what is faith?

Alma said: “If ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true” (Alma 32:21). Faith is a principle of action and power. Whenever we work toward a worthy goal, we exercise faith. We show our hope for something that we cannot yet see, but is still there.

There’s a primary song that I love to hear,

 Faith is knowing the sun will rise, lighting each new day.
Faith is knowing the Lord will hear my prayers each time I pray.
Faith is like a little seed:
If planted, it will grow.
Faith is a swelling within my heart.
When I do right, I know.

2. Faith is knowing I lived with God before my mortal birth.
Faith is knowing I can return when my life ends on earth.
Faith is trust in God above;
In Christ, who showed the way.
Faith is strengthened; I feel it grow
whenever I obey.

Now that we have the definition of Faith, let’s ponder on the thought of why we should exercise our faith in Jesus Christ?

Having faith is Jesus Christ defines everything about us… Every choice we have to make, every trial we have to face, every prompting we are gifted to listen to. Everything we face in life, our faith defines us. Would we study and learn if we did not believe we could obtain wisdom and knowledge? Let me ask you this… Would we work each day if we did not hope that by doing so we could accomplish something? Would a farmer plant if he did not expect to harvest? Each day we act upon things we hope for when we cannot see the end result. By faith Noah built an ark and saved his family from the flood (see Hebrews 11:7). Moses parted the waters of the Red Sea (see Hebrews 11:29). Elijah called down fire from heaven (see 1 Kings 18:17–40). Nephi called for a famine (see Helaman 11:3–5). He also asked the Lord to end the famine (see Helaman 11:9–17). Seas have been calmed, visions opened, and prayers answered, all through the power of faith.

In my 29 years of life, I’ve had many times where my faith has been tested and tried. Today, I’d like to share with you a few experiences that that I’ve had. In these, I chose to have faith in Jesus Christ. Times that I believed could have changed my life much differently if I hadn’t chosen to have faith.

Before December came around, I was working less than 20 hours a week. I was home with my kids during the days and went into work at night when Skyler got home. It was a great schedule that I preferred to have, so we didn’t have to rely on babysitters, and if you know me, I hardly let anyone watch my kids. Either Skyler or I was home with our kids. Life was as consistent as it could be and I thought things were good, which they were. But, December rolled around and the Deli manager was stepping down to pursue another career that she desired. I remember working one night, making pizzas and this feeling I hadn’t felt in quite some time, started growing on me. The feeling that I should go for the position. By the end of my 4 hour night, that feeling was entirely too strong. I seriously thought that my heart wasn’t going to calm down because of it. Quite honestly, I didn’t want to take that position at first. A few reasons… I felt like if I did, my kids would be more neglected and not have enough of me. I felt like taking this job would drain me. Everything I do, I do with passion. And if I was going to take this job, I would put my heart and soul into it. I know that being a manager in itself is difficult. Skyler is grocery manager, and somedays I have absolutely no idea how he does it! He’s quite an amazing man, and I love him so much for it. There was also the fact that If I actually got this position, there were a few things that I wanted to change and organize, and just thinking about how I was going to get that done, overwhelmed me. I also didn’t think I had manager material inside of me. I honestly didn’t think that I had what it took to be manager. So many things to think about, which would turn me off, applying for this position. But, as time went on and that feeling that I should go for this job stayed with me, this feeling of confidence came over me, and I became more confident and comfortable going into this. I remember hearing these words in my head over and over again, anytime I had any doubt actually, “Heavenly father doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the ready and willing”. Well, he did exactly that. And all I had to do was have faith. Have faith that everything would work out, have faith that I would have enough time for my family, have faith that I would grow from this experience. Have faith in Jesus Christ. Simply have faith in Him. I’ve been manager for 3 months now and I have to say, having faith was the best decision I could have made. I could have made the choice to not apply. I could have made the choice to just stay where I was and continue what I did because it was the comfortable thing to do. I could have let fear overcome me and back down. But, that’s not what was destined for me. That’s not what heavenly father had planned for me. Having faith in this experience has brought me closer to my husband, has brought me closer to my kids, and although my laundry has piled up and the house isn’t as clean and organized as I would like it to be, It has made me look at life much differently and more patiently. All because I chose to simply have faith.

One summer day in our old house, I remember I was going through papers and Skyler had texted me that his loans and grants were all maxed out for school. We had one more year before he was going to graduate. I sat there, looked up at the ceiling and said, “We are going to have to move out, aren’t we?” That second I knew where we had to go. I knew that moving into Angie and Larry’s house was what we were supposed to do. I second guessed it though, a few times actually. Because I didn’t want to move. The ward we were in, I loved. I love being in nursery with those sweet kids, I loved the people in our ward, I loved our street, and I loved my privacy. I prayed fervently to know if moving in with Skyler’s parents was in fact the right thing to do. The answer that I got was yes, we were supposed to. A few weeks later, we sat down with Angie and Larry and explained our situation. They heard us out and agreed. At the end of October 2014, we moved all of our stuff out of our old house, moved most of it into storage, and the essentials we took with us. Life has been anything but easy. At one point we even had our transmission blow on our vehicle that wasn’t covered anymore (by 2 months…). There went our savings for school, but I am sure glad we were able to save that much because it’s quite rare to have that much in savings for us. There has been days where I thought my anxiety and stress was going to overcome me. But, I prayed, and I prayed hard to find understanding, to find hope, to see light, to feel peace. We’ve been there for a little over a year now and I have seen love grow in all of us in that house. I’ve seen patience being built and I’ve seen charity go beyond measures. Both Skyler and I received blessings before we moved, and I can say that I know that moving into this house was never meant to be easy, but looking back over this past year and a half, I can see that it has definitely been worth every blessing that has been poured down upon us. Now we do our best in continuing to have faith in pursuing what waits ahead of us.

This last story is my favorite. I believe this one can either make you or completely break you. And sometimes both. But this event in my life, definitely gave my faith a test in its own.

She came into this world crying, weighing in at 8lbs even. They laid her on my chest and I kissed her saying, “welcome to this world Kynzie.” I looked at her and I knew she was perfect in every way possible. She grabbed ahold of both mine and her daddy’s finger that evening and I will never forget that moment. It was a permanent mark on our memories for ever. She was healthy and such an easy baby to take care of. Both her brother and her sister loved her tremendously and couldn’t get enough of her. It was 6 weeks later, the morning of September 8^th that changed our entire world. I remember how fast the cops had gotten to our house after we called 911. It wasn’t even 2 minutes. And then 5 minutes later, the ambulance was there. I remember that morning so fresh and so clear. Every little detail. Everything happened so quickly and they got her loaded up on the ambulance and headed to the airport to meet flight for life. Skyler rode with his dad while I stayed behind with Angie. I remember Angie getting the urge to just head up with me. So Russ (our good friend) stayed behind with our 2 kids who were still sound asleep. Angie, Nikki and I headed up. I remember so soundly sitting in the van praying in my head and heart so intently with my father in heaven for my baby to be okay. But, the clearest answer that I received was not one that I had expected at all. It was so clear to me that it was her time to leave this earth. This feeling of peace and heartbreak came over me all at once and I honestly didn’t know how to deal with it. We got up there to the airport and mercy air was just sitting there, not getting ready to leave, just sitting there. I ran out running to the ambulance wondering why in the world they haven’t left yet, and the minute my foot hit the steps, they called it. She was gone. My heart had shattered into a million pieces and all I could do was pick her little body up and hold it. Hoping and praying that she’d somehow come back. But, again I got the answer that her time was done here on the earth. It was much more than a feeling. And so all I could do was hold my baby and cry.

A few weeks had gone by. We’d had her funeral, and everyone else’s life was starting to pick back up again. Life seemed so unfair and much like a dream. But I remember about 2 weeks after her passing, I woke up one morning feeling like a park of heaven was placed on my heart to help it mend just enough. It was a feeling I had never experienced before, of which I am sure is rare. I knew without a doubt in my mind that Kynzie was where she needed to be and also that everything would be okay. That intense feeling stuck with me for a good 3 or 4 days. Kynzie passed away from SIDS, and I know that there was nothing different I could have done. The blessings that I have received from this trial has increased my faith so much. The day that my little baby returned to heaven opened up my faith and put in on the line. In this trial, I don’t think that it was really ever about having a choice to choose to follow Heavenly father or not. That wasn’t the purpose in this trial. He already knew what I would do. He already knew how strong my faith was. I needed to find out for myself how strong I was and how strong my faith was. In this trial, my faith was the actual thing that pulled me through this more than I had ever anticipated. Without my faith, I would have been lost and completely destroyed.

We all know that having faith is so important, and after this trail, I have learned that having faith defines us. So, how can we increase our faith?

To me, it’s the simple things that Heavenly Father asks us to do. It’s going to church with a real intent. It’s reading our scriptures everyday, studying them, pondering them, learning about them. It’s praying. And to me, praying is my lifeline between heaven and earth. I know when I skip praying every morning because my morning was super crazy and the kids were late for the bus, and I was late for work, and my attitude is just in the gutter, and my day just isn’t getting any better. There have been days where I am so overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done and the kids are cranky, work was wild, and Im just ready to go to bed and it’s not even noon yet, I break away for 2 minutes. I go in the bathroom, or my room or my car and I pray. I pray for a happier me, for energy to deal with the things that are presented to me that day. I pray that I can feel the spirit and be kind to those who annoy me (cranky kids who have been cranky all day). By following the commandments, we can also increase our faith. But, I believe for our faith to be increased, we should do these things, that are so simple, yet can be so hard to accomplish, with a pure heart. With an honest mind. With hope that we can find the answers that we are seeking after. Building our faith doesn’t happen just by doing these things in a repetitive motion. We have to have heart. In the beginning of my talk, I said that everything I do, I do with my whole heart and soul. And I meant that. Even living my life, I do with my whole heart and soul.

I know that we live in a world where things can stray us away from the spirit pretty quickly, but I also know that if we ever do stray, we can always come back. I know that our heavenly father is patient, very patient and that He is here to help us always. I love this church and I love this ward that I am in. I love teaching those cute little primary kids every Sunday. I love how they tell me how there week has gone through out the lessons that are taught. And It’s amazing to see everything that they are learning. I am so blessed to have the knowledge of the gospel in my life. I know that every part of this church is true. I am glad to have had the opportunity to give this talk. It is said, that giving a talk will more than likely bless the one who’s giving it than not. In this case, it is true. Preparing this talk has been such a blessing and even though I was just wrapping it up Saturday night, I wasn’t stressed in the least to give this talk. I love my father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. I know that if we try our very best to help our faith grow, it will define us in the best of ways. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.