Life is ever changing

Change is the new normal for us lately. Back in January, Skyler started a new job at the Caesars Entertainment Corporate office. About 2 weeks after he started I started to miscarry again. I went in to my first appointment, had my ultrasound the ultrasound tech showed me that there was no heart beat and no blood flow...my heart sank. I remember that day before my appointment looking at baby clothes in Target and getting so excited.
Skyler was offered a week off to be with me just after two weeks of starting his new job. That was amazing to me and was so comforting. I needed him home. The cramps were there and the bleeding made me a little dizzy at times. We had set up for a D&C to be done. That morning I hopped in a hot shower to try and get the contractions to feel a little better. Not even 5 minutes after my shower I ended up on the toilet, passing a lot of blood and lining from my uterus...and the baby still intact in the sack that was still all together. I had no idea that I had done that though until I looked down. I felt stuff clots come out so I didn't think about it, but when I looked down in the middle of the toilet I saw a tiny round clear ball sitting on top of all that had just come out. I thought to my self, "no way..." So I put some gloves on and grabbed what I thought to be the baby in the sack and yes...it most definitely was the sack with the baby still inside. Amniotic fluid and all. I called for sky and he came in the bathroom...I told him what had happened before I showed him and he couldn't believe it. So I showed him and the feeling in the bathroom was so peaceful. We weren't scared, we weren't sad, we were just comforted with an over whelming amount of peace. It was so crazy. I was expecting to feel scared or upset or sad, but it was very much the opposite. I called my doctor and told him what had happed and so we drove up to St George, with the baby and sack in tow and handed it off. I didn't need surgery as everything was coming out normal (halleluiah...phew!). They did testing on it and everything came back normal on both the baby and I. It wasn't until about a month later when I told Skyler that I didn't was to try for another baby. I was done trying for a long time. I was nervous to have another miscarriage and I didn't want to chance that again while being a manager, working full time hours, taking care of things at the house and with the kids, and summer time approaching (summers get a little crazy around here. Lots of nieces and nephews). So we held off on trying. Skyler was working on getting comfortable with this new change in his new Job. I was trying to give my best at work, and baseball season was going great for the kiddos. Life was busy and crazy but it was manageable and we were doing it with the best of our abilities. On May 23rd, I took a pregnancy test before my period even started. I had a thought that maybe? We had slipped and I told sky that I didn't want to try that again. I didn't want to get pregnant at all. So we prevented. Well, the test came out positive. And I couldn't believe it. So I took another one and yeah, it came out positive too. I was nervous and beyond myself. It didn't take very much at all for this to happen. In June we had girls camp which was so fun and such a neat experience to have gone and been around the girls. I was already feeling sick through out the day and mornings were a little rougher to deal with but it all felt normal to me (the boobs hurting, my ligaments stretching, my headaches, my 'morning' sickness) so I was happy and okay with it.
On my way home from girls camp, I had this impressionable thought that kept running through my head that I needed to step down. I've had my moments in the past where I've wanted to but I felt as though I shouldn't (and for certain reasons, I am so very glad that I stuck with it. So many blessings have come to my family and a few friends from this job and the position I had). This time, I had no intentions on stepping down at all. I was all ready to go back to the daily grind and do my job. But was I was driving home off the mountain with a few of the girls, I had this overwhelming thought that I need to step down. It was time for me to put more of my focus on my family and this pregnancy. So, when I got back to work, after talking with my bosses, I told then that I'm going to step down. I need to focus on my family more and the pregnancy.
Since then, I've been a whole lot less overwhelmed. I've been extremely tired and have had to slow down just a little. I am still nauseous and places on my body are starting to grow.
My first appointment yesterday went really well. Heart beat is 171 and there is a little baby in there with a tiny little body that my kids say looks like a bean with arms and legs haha. Kylie keeps saying that this one is going to be a girl. She really wants another baby sister and that would be something else if this one is a girl. I have no idea, no feeling, as to what the sex of the baby will be. All I know is that I feel this pregnancy is going to stick and I just hope I have a healthy baby...boy or girl.
Life is all about changing, growing, and learning. Often times we are tested not to discover our weaknesses but to discover our strengths...as we will often focus on the weakness, we need to find the strength that we have and focus on that. Recently, that has applied so much to our lives.
With my job, Skyler's job, this new pregnancy, trying to find a rental...often times we are reminded that things happens on the lord timetable, not ours as we tend to sometimes plan for. Life is ever changing. We just need to trust in the lord that things will ALWAYS work out, and sometimes in ways that we couldn't ever imagine.