3 weeks ago, Skyler and I were asked to give a talk in sacrament. Writing our talks didn't go as planned though. This was my talk...and about half way in between, I about fell to the ground (totally not what I had expected AT ALL). I had to actually tell the croud to hold on and lay my head on the pulpit. Never has that happened to me before. But, something quite amazing happened when I finally got my footing again and carried on to the next part of my talk. I felt quite an amazing spirit in the chappel at that moment. One that I haven't felt in quite some time. I'd wager to say angels were attending that day. One very inparticular spirit that I haven't felt in so long. I think the congregation in a whole felt what I felt that morning, because not one single voice was spoken for the last part of sacrament. Even throuh out Skylers talk (he was after me) everyone stayed pretty silent. But for those of you who didn't get to hear me almost pass out, here's the same talk that was given. Hope you enjoy! :)
Faith
It’s been
so long since I’ve last given a talk. I actually think the last talk I gave was
about a year, maybe a year and a half ago. Okay, so maybe that’s not too long,
but it sure feels like it’s been longer than that.
Last Sunday, while Skyler and I were in
primary teaching, Brother Jensen took Skyler out into the hallway outside our
classroom door and I started thinking, ‘I wonder if he is going to set up a
meeting with Skyler. What if he got another calling? I wonder what he would
get?’ Well, Skyler walked back in with a huge grin on his face, and I thought,
‘Yep, they’re taking him out of primary. I knew it.” But then Skyler showed me
the speaking assignment papers and I was like, ‘OHHH, haha…. Oh, wait… we were
asked to talk…’ and then I started getting a little nervous because of how full
my plate already is. I work full time as a deli manager, I’m a mom to 4 kids, I
have piles and piles of laundry in the laundry room that are at least clean and
in baskets, But my kids’ dresser drawers are almost empty. Skyler is assisting
2 baseball teams this year with his brother and our good friend so we have 3
practices a week (thankfully 2 of them are on the same day)… I just kept
thinking of things that needed to be done. And then that night, Sunday night,
the power went out. That caused more worries because I not only needed to start
on my talk, the power going out meant that work was going to be more busy for
both Skyler and I. Getting things into a trailer cooler, checking temps on
everything, throwing things out if the temp rose too high. It kept all of us at
the store on our toes, and very busy mentally and physically, which in turn,
for me, took time away from writing my talk, or even thinking about it at all.
Then Kyell, whos almost 2, thought that keeping both Skyler and I up would be
fun just because he wanted to play on into the night and then got sick another
night. Neither of those helped out with getting this talk prepaired. But,
Wednesday night rolled around, kids went to sleep earlier than normal and I was
like, ‘okay, I know I’m tired but I really need to get a head start on my talk
or I’m going to be writing this talk Saturday night and I will be so stressed
out, and I do not want to be stressed out over something that is supposed to
allow the spirit to dwell.’ So, on Wednesday and Thursday, I got most of my
talk done. And then I wrapped it up Saturday night.
I’m glad
that I didn’t wait till the last minute in putting this talk together. I
usually get so nervous when I’m up here. That’s why I hesitate so much when we
have fast Sundays, because I get up in front of everyone and my mind goes
blank. I can feel my testimony, and I wish that I could have everyone feel what
my testimony feels like rather than hearing my mumbling words. But I have my
talk written down and so if my mind goes blank, I have this right here to guide
me back to where I got lost. I hope that we can feel the spirit that I felt
while writing this talk, because it was a pretty amazing feeling.
Faith…
what is faith?
Alma said:
“If ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true” (Alma
32:21). Faith is a principle of action and power. Whenever we work
toward a worthy goal, we exercise faith. We show our hope for something that we
cannot yet see, but is still there.
There’s a
primary song that I love to hear,
Faith
is knowing the sun will rise, lighting each new day.
Faith is knowing the Lord will hear my prayers each time I pray.
Faith is like a little seed:
If planted, it will grow.
Faith is a swelling within my heart.
When I do right, I know.
2. Faith
is knowing I lived with God before my mortal birth.
Faith is knowing I can return when my life ends on earth.
Faith is trust in God above;
In Christ, who showed the way.
Faith is strengthened; I feel it grow
whenever I obey.
Now that
we have the definition of Faith, let’s ponder on the thought of why we should
exercise our faith in Jesus Christ?
Having faith
is Jesus Christ defines everything about us… Every choice we have to make,
every trial we have to face, every prompting we are gifted to listen to.
Everything we face in life, our faith defines us. Would we study and learn if
we did not believe we could obtain wisdom and knowledge? Let me ask you this… Would
we work each day if we did not hope that by doing so we could accomplish
something? Would a farmer plant if he did not expect to harvest? Each day we
act upon things we hope for when we cannot see the end result. By faith Noah
built an ark and saved his family from
the flood (see Hebrews
11:7). Moses parted
the waters of the Red Sea (see Hebrews
11:29). Elijah called down fire from heaven (see 1 Kings
18:17–40). Nephi called for a famine (see Helaman
11:3–5). He also asked the Lord to end the famine (see Helaman
11:9–17). Seas have been calmed, visions opened, and prayers
answered, all through the power of faith.
In my 29
years of life, I’ve had many times where my faith has been tested and tried.
Today, I’d like to share with you a few experiences that that I’ve had. In
these, I chose to have faith in Jesus Christ. Times that I believed could have
changed my life much differently if I hadn’t chosen to have faith.
Before
December came around, I was working less than 20 hours a week. I was home with
my kids during the days and went into work at night when Skyler got home. It
was a great schedule that I preferred to have, so we didn’t have to rely on babysitters,
and if you know me, I hardly let anyone watch my kids. Either Skyler or I was
home with our kids. Life was as consistent as it could be and I thought things
were good, which they were. But, December rolled around and the Deli manager
was stepping down to pursue another career that she desired. I remember working
one night, making pizzas and this feeling I hadn’t felt in quite some time,
started growing on me. The feeling that I should go for the position. By the
end of my 4 hour night, that feeling was entirely too strong. I seriously
thought that my heart wasn’t going to calm down because of it. Quite honestly,
I didn’t want to take that position at first. A few reasons… I felt like if I
did, my kids would be more neglected and not have enough of me. I felt like
taking this job would drain me. Everything I do, I do with passion. And if I
was going to take this job, I would put my heart and soul into it. I know that
being a manager in itself is difficult. Skyler is grocery manager, and somedays
I have absolutely no idea how he does it! He’s quite an amazing man, and I love
him so much for it. There was also the fact that If I actually got this
position, there were a few things that I wanted to change and organize, and
just thinking about how I was going to get that done, overwhelmed me. I also
didn’t think I had manager material inside of me. I honestly didn’t think that
I had what it took to be manager. So many things to think about, which would
turn me off, applying for this position. But, as time went on and that feeling
that I should go for this job stayed with me, this feeling of confidence came
over me, and I became more confident and comfortable going into this. I
remember hearing these words in my head over and over again, anytime I had any
doubt actually, “Heavenly father doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the
ready and willing”. Well, he did exactly that. And all I had to do was have
faith. Have faith that everything would work out, have faith that I would have
enough time for my family, have faith that I would grow from this experience.
Have faith in Jesus Christ. Simply have faith in Him. I’ve been manager for 3
months now and I have to say, having faith was the best decision I could have
made. I could have made the choice to not apply. I could have made the choice
to just stay where I was and continue what I did because it was the comfortable
thing to do. I could have let fear overcome me and back down. But, that’s not
what was destined for me. That’s not what heavenly father had planned for me.
Having faith in this experience has brought me closer to my husband, has
brought me closer to my kids, and although my laundry has piled up and the
house isn’t as clean and organized as I would like it to be, It has made me
look at life much differently and more patiently. All because I chose to simply
have faith.
One
summer day in our old house, I remember I was going through papers and Skyler
had texted me that his loans and grants were all maxed out for school. We had
one more year before he was going to graduate. I sat there, looked up at the
ceiling and said, “We are going to have to move out, aren’t we?” That second I
knew where we had to go. I knew that moving into Angie and Larry’s house was
what we were supposed to do. I second guessed it though, a few times actually.
Because I didn’t want to move. The ward we were in, I loved. I love being in
nursery with those sweet kids, I loved the people in our ward, I loved our
street, and I loved my privacy. I prayed fervently to know if moving in with
Skyler’s parents was in fact the right thing to do. The answer that I got was
yes, we were supposed to. A few weeks later, we sat down with Angie and Larry
and explained our situation. They heard us out and agreed. At the end of
October 2014, we moved all of our stuff out of our old house, moved most of it
into storage, and the essentials we took with us. Life has been anything but
easy. At one point we even had our transmission blow on our vehicle that wasn’t
covered anymore (by 2 months…). There went our savings for school, but I am
sure glad we were able to save that much because it’s quite rare to have that
much in savings for us. There has been days where I thought my anxiety and
stress was going to overcome me. But, I prayed, and I prayed hard to find
understanding, to find hope, to see light, to feel peace. We’ve been there for
a little over a year now and I have seen love grow in all of us in that house.
I’ve seen patience being built and I’ve seen charity go beyond measures. Both
Skyler and I received blessings before we moved, and I can say that I know that
moving into this house was never meant to be easy, but looking back over this
past year and a half, I can see that it has definitely been worth every
blessing that has been poured down upon us. Now we do our best in continuing to
have faith in pursuing what waits ahead of us.
This last
story is my favorite. I believe this one can either make you or completely
break you. And sometimes both. But this event in my life, definitely gave my
faith a test in its own.
She came
into this world crying, weighing in at 8lbs even. They laid her on my chest and
I kissed her saying, “welcome to this world Kynzie.” I looked at her and I knew
she was perfect in every way possible. She grabbed ahold of both mine and her
daddy’s finger that evening and I will never forget that moment. It was a
permanent mark on our memories for ever. She was healthy and such an easy baby
to take care of. Both her brother and her sister loved her tremendously and
couldn’t get enough of her. It was 6 weeks later, the morning of September 8th
that changed our entire world. I remember how fast the cops had gotten to our house
after we called 911. It wasn’t even 2 minutes. And then 5 minutes later, the
ambulance was there. I remember that morning so fresh and so clear. Every
little detail. Everything happened so quickly and they got her loaded up on the
ambulance and headed to the airport to meet flight for life. Skyler rode with
his dad while I stayed behind with Angie. I remember Angie getting the urge to
just head up with me. So Russ (our good friend) stayed behind with our 2 kids
who were still sound asleep. Angie, Nikki and I headed up. I remember so
soundly sitting in the van praying in my head and heart so intently with my
father in heaven for my baby to be okay. But, the clearest answer that I
received was not one that I had expected at all. It was so clear to me that it
was her time to leave this earth. This feeling of peace and heartbreak came
over me all at once and I honestly didn’t know how to deal with it. We got up
there to the airport and mercy air was just sitting there, not getting ready to
leave, just sitting there. I ran out running to the ambulance wondering why in
the world they haven’t left yet, and the minute my foot hit the steps, they
called it. She was gone. My heart had shattered into a million pieces and all I
could do was pick her little body up and hold it. Hoping and praying that she’d
somehow come back. But, again I got the answer that her time was done here on
the earth. It was much more than a feeling. And so all I could do was hold my
baby and cry.
A few
weeks had gone by. We’d had her funeral, and everyone else’s life was starting
to pick back up again. Life seemed so unfair and much like a dream. But I
remember about 2 weeks after her passing, I woke up one morning feeling like a
park of heaven was placed on my heart to help it mend just enough. It was a
feeling I had never experienced before, of which I am sure is rare. I knew
without a doubt in my mind that Kynzie was where she needed to be and also that
everything would be okay. That intense feeling stuck with me for a good 3 or 4
days. Kynzie passed away from SIDS, and I know that there was nothing different
I could have done. The blessings that I have received from this trial has
increased my faith so much. The day that my little baby returned to heaven
opened up my faith and put in on the line. In this trial, I don’t think that it
was really ever about having a choice to choose to follow Heavenly father or
not. That wasn’t the purpose in this trial. He already knew what I would do. He
already knew how strong my faith was. I needed to find out for myself how
strong I was and how strong my faith was. In this trial, my faith was the
actual thing that pulled me through this more than I had ever anticipated.
Without my faith, I would have been lost and completely destroyed.
We all
know that having faith is so important, and after this trail, I have learned
that having faith defines us. So, how can we increase our faith?
To me,
it’s the simple things that Heavenly Father asks us to do. It’s going to church
with a real intent. It’s reading our scriptures everyday, studying them,
pondering them, learning about them. It’s praying. And to me, praying is my
lifeline between heaven and earth. I know when I skip praying every morning
because my morning was super crazy and the kids were late for the bus, and I
was late for work, and my attitude is just in the gutter, and my day just isn’t
getting any better. There have been days where I am so overwhelmed with
everything that needs to be done and the kids are cranky, work was wild, and Im
just ready to go to bed and it’s not even noon yet, I break away for 2 minutes.
I go in the bathroom, or my room or my car and I pray. I pray for a happier me,
for energy to deal with the things that are presented to me that day. I pray
that I can feel the spirit and be kind to those who annoy me (cranky kids who
have been cranky all day). By following the commandments, we can also increase
our faith. But, I believe for our faith to be increased, we should do these
things, that are so simple, yet can be so hard to accomplish, with a pure
heart. With an honest mind. With hope that we can find the answers that we are
seeking after. Building our faith doesn’t happen just by doing these things in
a repetitive motion. We have to have heart. In the beginning of my talk, I said
that everything I do, I do with my whole heart and soul. And I meant that. Even
living my life, I do with my whole heart and soul.
I know
that we live in a world where things can stray us away from the spirit pretty
quickly, but I also know that if we ever do stray, we can always come back. I
know that our heavenly father is patient, very patient and that He is here to help
us always. I love this church and I love this ward that I am in. I love
teaching those cute little primary kids every Sunday. I love how they tell me
how there week has gone through out the lessons that are taught. And It’s
amazing to see everything that they are learning. I am so blessed to have the
knowledge of the gospel in my life. I know that every part of this church is
true. I am glad to have had the opportunity to give this talk. It is said, that
giving a talk will more than likely bless the one who’s giving it than not. In
this case, it is true. Preparing this talk has been such a blessing and even
though I was just wrapping it up Saturday night, I wasn’t stressed in the least
to give this talk. I love my father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. I know that if
we try our very best to help our faith grow, it will define us in the best of
ways. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
