Life is ever changing

Change is the new normal for us lately. Back in January, Skyler started a new job at the Caesars Entertainment Corporate office. About 2 weeks after he started I started to miscarry again. I went in to my first appointment, had my ultrasound the ultrasound tech showed me that there was no heart beat and no blood flow...my heart sank. I remember that day before my appointment looking at baby clothes in Target and getting so excited.
Skyler was offered a week off to be with me just after two weeks of starting his new job. That was amazing to me and was so comforting. I needed him home. The cramps were there and the bleeding made me a little dizzy at times. We had set up for a D&C to be done. That morning I hopped in a hot shower to try and get the contractions to feel a little better. Not even 5 minutes after my shower I ended up on the toilet, passing a lot of blood and lining from my uterus...and the baby still intact in the sack that was still all together. I had no idea that I had done that though until I looked down. I felt stuff clots come out so I didn't think about it, but when I looked down in the middle of the toilet I saw a tiny round clear ball sitting on top of all that had just come out. I thought to my self, "no way..." So I put some gloves on and grabbed what I thought to be the baby in the sack and yes...it most definitely was the sack with the baby still inside. Amniotic fluid and all. I called for sky and he came in the bathroom...I told him what had happened before I showed him and he couldn't believe it. So I showed him and the feeling in the bathroom was so peaceful. We weren't scared, we weren't sad, we were just comforted with an over whelming amount of peace. It was so crazy. I was expecting to feel scared or upset or sad, but it was very much the opposite. I called my doctor and told him what had happed and so we drove up to St George, with the baby and sack in tow and handed it off. I didn't need surgery as everything was coming out normal (halleluiah...phew!). They did testing on it and everything came back normal on both the baby and I. It wasn't until about a month later when I told Skyler that I didn't was to try for another baby. I was done trying for a long time. I was nervous to have another miscarriage and I didn't want to chance that again while being a manager, working full time hours, taking care of things at the house and with the kids, and summer time approaching (summers get a little crazy around here. Lots of nieces and nephews). So we held off on trying. Skyler was working on getting comfortable with this new change in his new Job. I was trying to give my best at work, and baseball season was going great for the kiddos. Life was busy and crazy but it was manageable and we were doing it with the best of our abilities. On May 23rd, I took a pregnancy test before my period even started. I had a thought that maybe? We had slipped and I told sky that I didn't want to try that again. I didn't want to get pregnant at all. So we prevented. Well, the test came out positive. And I couldn't believe it. So I took another one and yeah, it came out positive too. I was nervous and beyond myself. It didn't take very much at all for this to happen. In June we had girls camp which was so fun and such a neat experience to have gone and been around the girls. I was already feeling sick through out the day and mornings were a little rougher to deal with but it all felt normal to me (the boobs hurting, my ligaments stretching, my headaches, my 'morning' sickness) so I was happy and okay with it.
On my way home from girls camp, I had this impressionable thought that kept running through my head that I needed to step down. I've had my moments in the past where I've wanted to but I felt as though I shouldn't (and for certain reasons, I am so very glad that I stuck with it. So many blessings have come to my family and a few friends from this job and the position I had). This time, I had no intentions on stepping down at all. I was all ready to go back to the daily grind and do my job. But was I was driving home off the mountain with a few of the girls, I had this overwhelming thought that I need to step down. It was time for me to put more of my focus on my family and this pregnancy. So, when I got back to work, after talking with my bosses, I told then that I'm going to step down. I need to focus on my family more and the pregnancy.
Since then, I've been a whole lot less overwhelmed. I've been extremely tired and have had to slow down just a little. I am still nauseous and places on my body are starting to grow.
My first appointment yesterday went really well. Heart beat is 171 and there is a little baby in there with a tiny little body that my kids say looks like a bean with arms and legs haha. Kylie keeps saying that this one is going to be a girl. She really wants another baby sister and that would be something else if this one is a girl. I have no idea, no feeling, as to what the sex of the baby will be. All I know is that I feel this pregnancy is going to stick and I just hope I have a healthy baby...boy or girl.
Life is all about changing, growing, and learning. Often times we are tested not to discover our weaknesses but to discover our strengths...as we will often focus on the weakness, we need to find the strength that we have and focus on that. Recently, that has applied so much to our lives.
With my job, Skyler's job, this new pregnancy, trying to find a rental...often times we are reminded that things happens on the lord timetable, not ours as we tend to sometimes plan for. Life is ever changing. We just need to trust in the lord that things will ALWAYS work out, and sometimes in ways that we couldn't ever imagine.

Change of thinking

As Kynzie's birthday is coming up this Saturday, I've been letting my mind wonder a bit. And I'll be honest, it's put me into a bit of a slump...and everything else around me hasn't been helping me get out of this slump that I'm in either. 
I can't help but think about how she would be if she were here today. What she would look like, how she would be, her favorite things about this earthly life, if Kylie and her would be a like, if she'd be a snuggle bug like the rest of my kids are...the kisses and loves we'd be able to give each other, the moments of laughter, the family time spent together...and as I wonder these things, I also wonder if we'd be where we are today...if Skyler would be through school...if things would be the way they are now, if she was still here. And I have to say, I know that they wouldn't. I know that even though life hurts sometimes and that our emotions get the best of us, everything has a solid purpose in this life. I may not understand fully as to why things happen or why our Father allows us to hurt so much, but I do know that what ever trials we go through on this earth, the things that we suffer while we are here trying to do OUR best at this life, will be so worth it...the reward will be greater than we could ever imagine. 
Being in this slump, I tend to put myself under a rock and put walls up so high that I can't see the beauty that already around me. I start to focus on everything that's annoying g and frustrating and I start to get angry. I have less patience for my kiddos and my husband. I assume things that aren't and want to seclude myself from everyone around me. This is exactly what I should NOT be doing. Doing this will lead me down a road to anxiety and depression. One that I don't want to relive again. 
This has to change, I've got to change my way of thinking. Every negative thought will have a positive one to replace it. And as Kynzie's birthday and her passing day are only 6 weeks apart...I will do my best to remain focused on the good things that are in my life, so I can be a better mom, and better wife, a better friend, and a happier person. Taking this one day at a time...one thought at a time. 

Just some thoughts

I was going through my family history today after church. It's amazing to me how much has been done on my mom's side and how much has NOT been done on my dad's side. I love reading and hearing about their lives. Family history has always been an interest of mine and very recently our church has put a huge emphases on getting as much work done as we can and encouraging those around us to do the same. While going through names and searching, I decided to come back to my own family....then I saw Kynzie's name. I clicked on her profile and started reading the stats...then I read the date that she was blessed. My heart sank a little thinking about that day...her blessing day. Everything about that day was so simple, yet so filled with the spirit. Skyler remembers her looking up while he was giving the blessing and she was just so calm...as if she was just soaking in everything....like the day she was born. Just soaking everything in. No crying, just eyes wide open...soaking everything in. She was always like that. But the date of her blessing was what stuck out to me the most this time. She was blessed only 3 days before she passed. Just 3 days! We usually had waited to get our kids blessed till 3 months or so but with her, Skyler and I had such a strong feeling to do it much sooner. And with the way things were falling into place, heaven definitely had a huge hand in making sure that it happened. Thinking back to the day of her passing...Skyler and I both knew that her time was done on this earth. The signs, the sweet yet simpleness of her baby blessing, the feelings...everything played out the way that it was suppose to and there is no denying that fact.

While we were talking about family history, we talked about work that is done on the other side of the veil. It doesn't stop here. Infact this is only a small part of what work needs to be done. I might believe that Kynzie is our guardian angel...and maybe she is. Those hearts I see don't lie. But I also strongly feel like she plays a part in this work that needs to be done from the other side. Having this feeling makes me doing my part in family history while I'm here on this earth that much more rewarding. 

Faith vs. everything else

Lately I've been struggling. Struggling with everything else and letting it get to me and unknowingly pushing my faith aside. I've let the adversary play role and didn't even realize I was doing so. Life has been anything but calm lately...but when is it ever. Ive been more cranky with my kids, frustrated with work, letting the mess of life just get to me. It is possible to have everything around you be such a mess and to have yourself be so peaceful. I know its possible because I've been there. The key to our own true happiness comes from with in ourselves. Of course others can help us be happy, and sometimes we rely on that. But true happiness has to start with ourselves. With happiness comes Love. Loving ourselves for who we are is vital to our happiness. These two play hand in hand and are a huge part in the peace we get in life. 
Faith...I've got to stop pushing my faith aside and let everything else that I can't control, go. It's definitely easier said than done. But if I can just let faith take the course of life for a bit and stop letting everything else take the wheel...maybe...just maybe, I'd have a bit more peace and a lot less stress. 

Turning 30, on the 30th

My birthday was pretty good. We were on time for the temple, I was late for the session...well, just barely on time...kept Skyler waiting, and scared him a bit (getting undressed and dressed takes time when you have layer and a very full bladder!). I almost fell asleep during the session a few times amd spent some time in the celestial room. Then we went to look at Best buy for a little bit (just window shopping). We then went out and saw Will and Katie's new house (Skyler's brother). We then ate at Texas Roadhouse...I had way too much amazing salmon with sautéed onions and mushrooms and a baked potato (my gut hurt the next day...but worth every last bite!). We then headed home. Spending time with Skyler was the best part of my day though. I love him so much. Here's some photo's of my day with him...

 Thanks Jenn Neil for the clothes! I now have some that fit :)

 Love him to pieces!!!

 Mmmmm!! I love to eat good food and get good service every time!

Love us!

This one is my Favorite! I'm such a poser when it comes to taking pictures. It's not just smiling...but posing in what ever pose I want...like these crazy ones right here :)

My night ended up being quite the opposite of my day though. Skyler had to go into work for a little while and Kyen and Kylie were cleaning their room because, only heaven knows why, but their room is so easily destroyed and had piles of what ever they had not picked up in the last week right in the middle of the floor, spread out like a 2 year old making a peanut butter and Jelly on a sandwich...it was everywhere!! I swear once my husband left, the crazy, cranky, emotional, very loud, demanding beast possessed my sweet little sugar plums and made them the rottenest little raisins to ever shrivel. I suppose I just don't understand being a kid. And I'm mean. Very mean.  At least that's what my 4th grader says. I guess I never was a 4th grader. I guess I never really did have emotional break downs because life was so dang unfair. But wait! What's the saying..."screen shot or it didn't happen"? Well, I've got the "screen shot" (1st picture below) to prove I was, in fact, a 4th grader and I've got the journal to prove that I did have emotional break downs and life was in fact "so unfair".
It was such a crazy night that I just wanted to send them to bed and forget any scripture reading or prayers. But, I toughed it out. My night ended late, but it ended with a much MUCH happier atmosphere. I went upstairs after all was said and done and Angie and Nikki couldn't help but laugh. Because I wanted to laugh at how my little dude was acting too! I didn't know how in the world I held myself together... both from laughing and from yelling at both of them. I went in the laundry room to switch laundry at one point while Ky was having his fit and I asked the Heavens, "Why?! It's my birthday for goodness sakes! This isn't even fun!" (Okay, I was pretty weak at that moment. Who wouldn't be though!? I tried everything in my power not to yell and scream at my kids. They just were bickering, and tattling, and saying "MOM! MOM! MOM!" and just were not getting things done). The kids went to bed soon after that. We did our nightly family routine and off they went.

Turning 30 isn't so bad. I've been looking back on all of these years and I love the person that I have become so far. I am so far from perfect, but the things that I have learned and accomplished so far has been great. A few weeks ago, I was at my parents house. My sister, brothers, and I started looking at school pictures that my parents keep each year in the same frame. They use to keep the most recent first, but now my dad rotates them every now and again so he can see the little kid pictures too. Here's a few pictures from 4th grade until now...

 4th

 5th

 6th

 7th

 8th

 9th

 10th

 11th

12th... 18 years old

Now...30 years old

I love my family and my life and all the crazy that is in between.

Learning, loving, and understanding.

Man, do the years fly by! It doesn't feel like I should be 30, but in all honesty, I'd rather be 30 vs 20. I am more confident in my body, my mind, my spirit. I'm happier. I've learned ALOT about... well, ALOT. I'm learning how to manage certain triggers to anxiety, how to manage anxiety itself. Lately I've been learning how to be healthy...this one is huge for me because I thought I always was eating healthy and treating my body with care. Boy, was I wrong. I wasn't exactly not healthy, but I wasn't doing the best for my body and was pretty much ignoring what was actually happening. In 2 years time, I had too many antibiotics for ear infections, sinus infections, and wisdom tooth infections (yes, it came back twice before I could schedule to get those suckers out!) and not having any good bacteria going into my gut (no yogurt, dairy, sauerkraut, no natural probiotics at all...had to cut all dairy out somewhere in between all of this) I had literally killed more good bacteria in my gut than I had realized (actually I didn't know I had killed anything in my gut at all...it never had crossed my mind). My ears would ring, my brain would be so foggy, my body ached all the time...I was basically poisoning my body with the foods that I ate the most of because my gut couldn't break it down and process those foods properly. The foods that I ate the most of were pastas, lots and lots of pasta, and sandwiches. I love my carbs...especially wheat carbs. You know...the Gluten kind. I had no idea that my body was having a hard time processing it. AND, sugar made me REALLY REALLY tired. Like my eyes just wanted to shut like 15 minutes after eating, lets say a banana, or an apple, or even a donut. It was all sugars, not just the refined sugars. My heart was also skipping beats (or double beating...I'm not exactly sure). I'd get dizzy. Sometimes it was so bad I had to bend over to catch my breath. So, I went to doctor appointment after doctor appointment. ENT said that my ears were swollen, but no infection...try a liquid diet and not talking so much (PSH! Yeah right!! And actually, I knew that something else was going on. It wasn't that simple. So, quit chewing gum for about a week and still nothing. So, I continued doing what I did). I went to my doctor and told him about everything and even told him what the ENT said. I told him about my heart and what it was doing. He said I was so young and healthy and had no history but just to be safe, he ordered a 24 hour heart monitor and also drew blood and tested for a number of things. After 24 hours, I handed it in and when I got the results of everything, it was all was normal. The only thing I was low on was vitamin B12. None of this made any sense to me. I think my family and friends started to think that I was going crazy and being a hypochondriac and maybe thought I wasn't getting enough sleep because honestly I really don't get enough sleep. I gave up. I didn't even want to feel like I did anymore. I started to pretend that my ears weren't ringing and that my body was just being super sensitive. I couldn't ignore what was happening to me though. Even though I gave up for a little bit and just toughed it out, I knew deep down it was something more. I eventually started to pay attention to what I ate. I googled some symptoms and intolerances and bacterias and found a lot of things. But the one thing that stuck out was Gluten intolerance. I thought that was stupid. I don't have an intolerance to gluten. I never had before... why start now?! But it popped up a few more times, so I did a little bit more research on that. I also found a few things on leaky gut syndrome and how probiotics helped heal that. I was talking to my mom one day and was telling her how much I hate how I feel. The doctors can't find anything wrong with me and I've cut dairy and sugar out and I still feel like crap. She told me that I should go see a nutritionist. She had said it a few times before that but I wasn't really listening to her I guess. Because when she said it that time, it was like a light switched on and I was like, "OK!" So I made an appointment with the nutritionist. We talked a lot about what has happened with my health in the past two years. He asked me if I had been on any antibiotics and of course I said yes. Quite a bit actually. I explained all of the little infections I had with my ears and my wisdom teeth. We talked a little bit more and after everything was said and done, he said he knew what was going on... he was almost 100 percent that this was it. I had killed almost all the good bacteria in my gut. The gut is the main source of our immune system and in order for it to function properly, there needs to be a good balance of good and bad bacteria.
He put me on Collagen Powder, NeoCell+, a Liquid vitamin, and a really good probiotic (10 strains of 100 billion). He also had me take grapefruit seed extract to kill the overgrowth of bad bacteria in my gut. He also said that the ringing in my ears was probably from the type of antibiotics and could have been increased more so because of some damage the antibiotics might have done with the toxins that my body was putting off from not being able to process what I ate correctly. I also have a ulcer of some sort from the throwing up that I had a few years ago from not being able to eat dairy, and with the way I was eating (New Deli manage=eating more fried foods at that time...not good at all!), it wasn't getting any better.
After being on all the things he put me on, and really changing how I was eating (all whole foods and no sugars...not even natural for a little bit), I noticed a difference in about 2 weeks. It was small, but it was noticeable. I've been "healing my gut" since October. It takes a while to heal this amazing organ in our body. But, I am so happy to say that I can eat (no sugar added) yogurt now! No throwing up or gassiness! So extremely happy!! I still watch my intake on dairy though. No milk, no cheese really expect maybe on an Arby's salad every now and again. I really do just feel better with out eating all that dairy. There's dairy and wheat in almost everything that is even slightly processed!! It's crazy! No Gluten yet, but I can now handle taking the sacrament with out feeling all icky after church ( HA! Sounds like an oxymoron!), I only eat small amounts of natural sugars now too.

There is so much that I have learned going through this experience. Things I never would have thought of otherwise. Things I want to apply to my everyday life and the life of my family.

The Word or Wisdom tell us, "everything in moderation"...EVERYTHING. We've been told this numerous amounts of times through out history. My main focus for my health and the health of my family, is to make sure that we are all eating our foods in moderation. It not good for our bodies to eat so much wheat or so much dairy or salt, or soy... and it's in everything that is processed. I can't even tell you how many labels that I have looked at and said, "Ah man... I can't even eat that!" We even need to be careful with how much antibiotics we take in too. From my nutritionist... who is also an MD said that there are other natural products that kill off bacteria and is so much better for the body than antibiotics. I'm not talking about oils necessarily. Although those can provide some reliefe, that's not the 'natural' I'm talking about. I know how important antibiotics are and I'm not saying that we shouldn't take them. But, if my child has signs of strep, or a really bad ear ache, or a influenza, or a nasty little cough that wont go away, I'm going to try to go the more natural rout before jumping to an antibiotic. I will give them a more natural relief and let their body try to fight off a little bug, help boost their immune system, do everything at home that I can before I go a kill all the bad and the good germs that they have in them.

I have learned that feeding our bodies and the way we do it is so important. I've learned more nutritious facts about so many whole foods in these 3 months than I have my whole life. I am learning about feeding my body to give it nutrients vs just to eat because it's meal time or I'm stressed out (just because I am learning doesn't mean I still don't just eat for fun or stress...I'm learning :)). I'm learning how important it is to take care of my body and my mind. I am learning how important it is to get enough sleep (as I'm typing this up at 11pm! Here's to another 5 hour sleep night...). I'm learning, and that's just it. I'm not pro, in fact, I'm far from it. But I am learning and I am so excited to be learning... trying to treat my body and my mind the way that it should be treated. Here's to loving myself, no matter what the scale says ;). I'm listening to what my body says.

If it's not emotionally trying...it's physically.

I think I knew the entire time. My cycle came 3 days early at the end of October and it went on for about 2 1/2 weeks. I knew at that point something wasn't right. my cycles have been off in the past...but not like this. I felt like I might be having a miscarriage. I took a pregnancy test and it came out negative. I thought that maybe it was just a super early miscarriage and that my body was doing it's job. I was okay with it. I spotted through out the entire month of November and then it was time for mother nature to make her appearance again...this time it came 4 days early and went on for a little over a week. I then took another pregnancy test and it still came out negative. I thought well, maybe I am pregnant my hormone levels are just off and I was just having some weird bleeding. It happens. So, I let it go and just kept going through out my days. December 5th, it was almost 5am...still in bed, trying to wake up. I remember Skyler turning over, wrapping his arm around me and putting his hand on my belly. As I laid there, I thought about the past few months, feeling like I was pregnant, questioning if I was having a miscarriage, hoping that everything was going to be okay. I got up. Took a test. POSITIVE. It came out so clear and became positive so fast. I went in to show Skyler and he smiles at me and told me that he knew that I was. He could feel it. We were so thrilled! Yet, I so nervous. I thought about the past few months and felt like something might be off. I couldn't get that feeling to go away either. A week later I went in to the OB and had an ultra sound. That day was just as crazy as it gets. Kids had to go pee I swear it was every 15 minutes. My patience was not all there, and I honestly couldn't concentrate on what I needed to get while I was in St. George. Needless to say, I am so happy that I had Sarah go with me that day. Kylie and Kysen had yearly checkups that I couldn't get switched around and had already rescheduled 3 other times. She took Bug and them to the checkups while Kyen stayed with me at my appointment. While with the ultra sound tech in the ultra sound room, the findings were exactly what I thought. There it was in plain sight. She told me that I could either be A. Too early to hear or see anything, or B. Be having a miscarriage. I knew the answer already. She didn't have to explain anything else. She said let's wait a week, see if the sack grows. That night I received a blessing and it gave me so much peace, not just about the pregnancy/miscarriage but about my job, my family, and juggling them all. One week later, I went back and what looked like could be a viable pregnancy last week, was just a big mess this week. My body was starting to break everything down in my uterus. I had some bleeding here and there but nothing to bad at this point. My Dr. said that with the progress between last week and this week, my body was most likely going to finish miscarrying in a week or two. He said that it would be okay to wait, or I could take the pill to complete the miscarriage earlier. He advised to wait on having a D&C because that's usually the last option. I thought a lot about what I should do, and I felt like waiting would be okay. I also felt like taking the pill would not. Over the next few weeks, I kept in contact with the Dr. and had appointments. My body still wasn't doing what it was suppose to do and so he really encouraged me to take the pill if I wanted it to move along quicker. I kept the feeling that I really shouldn't take the pill. So, I didn't. Through these past few months, I never really a rollercoaster of emotions. I kept getting the feeling that whatever happens will be okay and that everything will work out the way it is suppose to. I knew that feeling was more than just that. I trusted my Father in Heaven and let him take the reins in this trial. There was nothing I could do about it. I just had to keep going through out my days, doing what I do.
Christmas Eve, I had made the decision that I was going to get a D&C. Nothing much had happened or progressed. I had one really heavy bleed one day after I had worked a lot of hours. I had some cramping now and again that made me catch my breath, but did nothing much. I knew I just wanted to get it all taken care of in one shot. I called the Drs. once the office had re opened from Christmas and had made an appointment for the D&C. Doing this felt really good. I knew this is what was suppose to happen with this miscarriage. Through out the next two weeks, nerves had set in and I became a nervous wreck. I tried to not show how nervous I was, but on the inside, I was a big mess. I hate going under sedation. It scared the crap out of me. These nerves took my mind to a place where everything I thought, I ended up overthinking about.
January 9th came...it was so early! We stayed at my mom and dads house the night before so we wouldn't have to wake the kids up and leave even earlier.
Skyler and I got to the hospital and checked in. Once I got to the back and got my lovely gown on, I was miss 'chatty Cathy'...those poor nurses and that poor poor anesthesiologist... My husband has never seen me talk so much about random things that don't matter at all. The anesthesiologist asked if I wanted something to calm my nerves. I said heck yes!! It didn't help though. He rolled me back to the O.R. and I once they put the mask on, I was out! They were probably so happy that I was because I wouldn't shut up. I rememeber once the doors to the O.R. opened, I said, "Do I really have to see this room?? I'm so nervous!" Everyone in there just laughed and said that they'd take care of me.
It's been 3 days since I had the D&C done. I didn't know how much it would drain me! I didn't expect to not have any energy. That I would get light headed so easily. That I would be so tired...so dang tired. After calling my OB and asking if this was all normal... I guess that having a D&C is considered major surgery, even though they aren't cutting you open, they are scrapping you out and that really takes a toile on the body. The nurses in the hospital told me that I would be able to return to work the next day, if not then in two days. I guess if you sit a desk and answer the phone all day or do paperwork, then yeah, you could return to work. But, if you have a job like mine where I get close to 20,000 steps on just a normal day, lift boxes that are 20-40lbs, multi task to the extreme, and so much more... going back to work 2 days later is not a good idea. Yesterday, I was thankful to have my assistant right by my side the whole time. He was my muscle and I did the little things. Even that wore me out though. Today just plain sucked! I woke up feeling so drained and achy. I went to work anyways and ended up having to go home because my body just couldn't take it. I kept having to catch my breath and my body just felt like collapsing. I took a much needed nap when I got home and when I woke up, I felt a little better.
This miscarriage didn't take a lot out of me emotionally, I felt at peace with it. But it has taken so much out of me physically. I've had to learn (yes LEARN) to slow down, to rely on those around me, and take care of myself. I feel so useless right now. I am use to doing a lot, it's hard for me not to. Ask my husband...I have the hardest time just sitting down and doing nothing for even 5 minutes. I get antsy and feel like something needs to be done. It's terrible!
I still have a little ways to go until my body is healed. I guess I have quite a bit to learn about taking it easy every now and again too. And taking care of my body... not just how I feed it, but how I should let it rest as well. I usually only get 4-6 hours of sleep a night, but for the past 3 days, I've gotten more sleep than I have gotten since before I had Kyen 10 years ago. I always say, everything happens for a reason. I've learned that there's blessings that come from every situation and a lesson or two to learn. I know that this too shall pass and that Skyler and I will have another baby sooner or later. For now, I'm focusing on taking care of myself and to learn to take it easy every now and again, even after my body is healed. Life is good...so very good.