Trying to keep positive

Well, he's here...Kyleb George is here and we all couldn't be any happier. We are all soaking all of his loves and snuggles up and are making such sweet memories.
I have been pretty good. Healing quickly, and getting my energy back (yay!!). But I won't lie, as much as I want to believe that everything is going to be okay with him, my anxiety gets the best of me and my mind wonders off into the dark "what ifs".
I've done this with both Kysen and Kyell and got hardly any sleep for that first year of their lives. I know that there are things in life that I have absolutely zero control over. And though I know that it was Kynzie's time to go and so many blessings have come from her presence in our lives. There's been so much light and tender mercies as well. Theres the dark side of losing her that tends to creep up on me as well, usually when I have a new baby. I'm just so unsure of what may come and focusing on the negative side becomes so easy, almost automatic. Focusing on the positive side gets to be more difficult and I start to lose my focus.
When things seem so good and we are happy, I brace myself for the very worst... like my mind goes into this flight or fight mode and I start to worry... "What can I do to prevent this or that" constantly runs through my mind. Because just like any storm that doesn't stay for very long, neither does any sunny weather. I know that I over think a lot. I know that a lot of these dark feelings and thoughts I have, the adversary enjoys playing his part on.
All I can do is continue to pray. Continue to keep my focus on the positives even if it's hard. Continue to keep making memories, to keep the kids involved with Kyleb. Keep taking it day by day and just focus on that. I'm aware where my mind is right now half the time, but I'm also aware of what I need to do and that I just need to breath.